So as I sit on the plane to Japan, I’m gripped by my most-of-the-time subconscious fears. It’s been 9 months since I left Japan, and same time last year I was sobbing hysterically in a hospital room holding my grandmother’s hand. The earlier optimism and confidence is waning, I know I made the decision to do this and I’m glad I did so, but I’m starting to doubt. So it’s time for deep breaths and persistence, endurance.
I’m trying to be really careful not to fall into patterns this time.- I’m totally able to accept now that I’m not gonna fit in no matter what, so I’ve already done my pre-research and found people through various methods people I feel I may be better able to connect with – primarily Brazilians living in Japan. So we’ll see how that goes.
Of course, I am beyond thrilled to see Ojiichan, and a few friends who I have missed horribly over the past year. So I guess I’ll try and get swept away by the magical, fanciful fairy-tale beauty of springtime in Japan with the sakura blossoming, reinvigorating everything with fresh, pure life…the opposite of what it did for me last year, but I’m ready to look at things as they are and try to see them through a different perspective.
Ok, I’m scared.